jaxy

weekend

Sun, 30 Oct 2005 15:47:47 GMT

Last night was vals party... HAPPY BIRTHDY HUN.

I hope she had a good time, and that's all i really hvae to say about that.

My chest hurts, oh shit...

First Update in a LONG time

Sat, 29 Oct 2005 12:53:40 GMT

For all the times that you hurt me in the past recent weeks, I'm done with you. I don't even think you realize how upset you make me without even trying. I'm done trying to hold on to old memories that basically don't even matter to you anymore, by the way that you shun me everytime I try to say something to you. Oh well, I'll be seeing you around still but it's not worth even saying this to you, because you will end up blowing up in my face or just turning your back on me and telling eveyone "can you believe she said that to me?" or something along the lines of how bitchy Im being.
Whatever, maybe I am just being bitchy, but it hurts so much to think that the reality you thought you never had to face is being thrown up to you so unexpectedly.
Well I worked last night, have to work today, and i have to work tomorrow! *thumbs up....*
Vals party tonight should be grand! I'll be able to see Daryl and Matt from ages ago, and be able to chill it up with other kids, but I'm staying sober tonight because I'm going to do the best that I can to prevent Val's house from being trashed. rad.
My grandparents finally were able to score Billy Joel tickets!!! YAY! i'm so stoked about that because Ive wanetd to see this show for over 2 years! Screw what other people say about it being boring and a bad musical, I just love his music so much that i don't really care about the theatrics.
Ok well time do work before I have to go to work today... well law that is.
Woah this post was really boring, oh well now I'm in the typing mood for law.

Dave Chapell is my idol.

Sun, 11 Sep 2005 06:14:14 GMT

How do you know when you expect too much from others? is it when u have to talk to other people and figure out that maybe what you want isn't even there... so maybe there's no use in even trying. Maybe holding on to so many memories is just as painful as realizing what you thought u stil had, died a long time ago. Hmm, well call me crazy but maybe what i thought was there, never really was, and maybe the whole relationship never really was much of one in the first place. But i won't think of it that way, cause that'll just tear me apart even more.

At this point i would just rather know from that person if they would like there to be no relationship at all, than for me to keep hoping that they want one to be as much as i do.

Do me a favour and pick up the phone and let me know sometime... but then again i've been waiting for over a year now, i suppose a couple more days wouldn't hurt. Please pop my naieve "bubble" and let me know straight up... cause it's been too long that this has been going on.

Teleg. I still and always will love you as friend... will you?

Back To School, Back to Reality

Mon, 05 Sep 2005 14:01:04 GMT

Well this is my first entry since like.... well i don't know when. But I've deicded that I'm going to start updating more often, because although it may not always be something highly intelligent or witty, i do have stuff to say, or type.

Now i just came back from a run... the first one of a LONG time and i noticed a few things. One was that, never go running in my neighborhood any earlier than 10 in the summer, because I only come in contact with people who are at least 30 years my senior, and it made me feel really old... but actually i think it was good isa w no one my age, because then they wouldn't have had to see a gross sweaty girl in an oversized "CAWTHRA ATHLETICS" t-shirt and spandex. Oh lord, I am so out of shape it's not even funny. I think i have ate too many baked good this sumemr for my own good. But that will no longer be a problem... beacuse as of yesterday i worked my last shift ever at the good 'ol Bala Bakery.

This summer has been indescribable. It has been neither good or bad, boring nor exciting. Althought i didn't see everyone this summer that i wanted to, i did see alot of my really good friends, and i met alot of new people too. I have learned that a frodo-looking hottie who has similar interests may not be the nicest and autmatic excuse to have a relationship.

I have learned also that although people i was once really close with change, and if i really want to keep in contact with them, i need to make more of an effot , and i really need to think if in the end it's owrth all of the extra effort. Ah well, i guess for now I'm just going to ride it out, and live life as it comes.

This year i am really excited for, but still kinda nervous. For one thing, the guidance counsellor the next day after registration was not very accomadating and i therefore ahve to take the sciecne i want to in grade 12, so i now have a spare 2nd semester. But it makes sense in the end i guess, because the course is a grade 12 university course. I'm nervous for vocal, but I'm excited though because I'm finally taking vocal lessons.

Bah i'm statving, so im going to go eat a healthy breakfast, which will now be a new routine as opposed to my morning bakery snack. No more sweets for this fatty.

Tue, 28 Jun 2005 19:59:08 GMT

i hate wire hangers.. especiall the ones from the dry cleaners with the paper on it! i nly like the plastic ones and especially wooden ones.

TODAY!

Tue, 28 Jun 2005 02:26:49 GMT

OOOOOOHHHH MAN TODAY WAS THE FUCKING SHIT! i haven't ahd this mcuh fun since like last summer12 o god, well for all of my close friends that know what id id 2day.. it was amazing! and not as crazy as i thought, it wa actually alot of fun!

and i biedk SOOO mcuh today! AND GOT A $125 GUESS PURSE FOR $45! YAY FOR ME!

anyhoo, gotta go watch a movie.. AND OMG IWA SIN DANIEL'S BASEMENT TODAY!!!! awwww, a great day!

lates

JACK!

Sat, 25 Jun 2005 13:40:00 GMT

100 things about me
1. Kindergarten Teachers name: Mrs. Hein
2. Last person you kissed: Lawrence
3. Last word you said: "Bye mom have a good tim at the cottage this weekend"
4. Last song you sang: Yesterdays Fellings- the used
5. Last person you hugged: Gareth last night.
6. Last thing you laughed at: Something in gareths hosue last night.... but i don't recall what was said or whos aid it, i just remmeber laughing for like 15 minutes straight...
8. What's in your CD player: god, the cawthra spring fest cd... i finally got it yesterday and i decided to listen to it when ig ot home.
9. What socks are you wearing: none, im in my pajamas.
10. What's under your bed: some boxes.
12. Current taste: pineapple
13. Current hair style: messy
14. Current clothes: pajamas
15. Current bakery! o ya! you no im cooler than you!
16. Current longing: to go back in time.
17. Current desktop picture: god it's yellow tulips because when i was owkring on my english exam i was sooo strssed, and i thought this could calm me down.
18. Current worry: that I won't pass math.
19. Current hate: my face.
21. Current favorite article of clothing:my cowboy hat... but it's bent out of shape *tear*
22. Favorite feature(s) of the opposite (and same) sex: opposite, wakeboarder but usually someone who can make me laugh (as cliche as hat sounds) Same, a nice nose.... haha i don't know where that one came from
23. Last CD that you bought: my sister nought me the new coldplay one from ottawa.
24. Favorite place to be: out west.
25. Worst place to be: home, alone.
26. Time you wake up in the morning: i always wake up at 6, and then depending on what i ahve to do i usually fall back asleep.
27. If you could play a new instrument, what would it be?: violin
29. Current favorite word/saying: fun in the sun
30. Favorite book: Uh,haven't read in a long time actually.
31. Favorite Movie: right now i would say CLUE
32. Favorite bands and song: NIN, and favourite song right now would be.
35. Favorite day: saturday.
36. Where do you want to go: Vacation-wise I'd really like to get as far way from mississauga as possible.
37. What is your career going to be: Probably something in marketing.
39. What kind of car will you have: something that will look very ski and beach bummish
42. Eye Color: greenish..
43. Hair Color: Brown..
44. Righty or Lefty: right, but i bat and golf left handed.
45. Zodiac sign: Taurus.
46. Innie or Outtie: innie

DESCRIBE...
47. Your heritage: slovnian, english, itialian... but my dads side has been in canada for 4 generations
68: Shoes you wore today: flip flops
49. Your hair: long, with a billion layers, and since i ahen't had a hair cut for months.... it has billion split ends too.
50. Your weakness: I don't speak up for myself enough. I get jealous easily even though I deny it even to myself. I don't like my physical appearance.
51. Your fears: not enjoying the rest of high school.
52. Your hopes: to feel self fullfilled.
53. Your most recent secret: what i did last night, and how i lied to my dad about it.
54. Your thoughts first waking up: do i HAVE to get out of bed today?!?
55. The first feature you notice in the opposite (same) sex: clothes ( in know im shallow).
56. Your bedtime: whenever my body shuts down... and when im stressed, it's usally REALLY early.
57. Your most missed companion: all of my best friends from other schools.
58. Your perfect pizza: feta cheese and pineapple.
59. Sweet and Chewy or Salty and Crunchy: right now sweet in chewy... im about to go make myself chocolate chip pancakes.
61. Dogs or Cats: dogs
62. Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Nestea!!
63. Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate, except in ice cream.
64. Cappuccino or Frappuccino: frappuccino.
65. Smoke: no
66. Curse: Yep
67. Sing: of course
68. Take a shower everyday: sometimes, espcailly now, but i wash my hair every other day
69. Have a crush: not anymore
71. Think you've been in love: not officially
72. Want to go to college: Uh huh. I don't really have a choice, with my parents.
73. Want more than what you’ve got: Who doesn't?
74. Want to get married: yes
75. Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: huh? i don't understand the question.
76. Think you're attractive: No.
77. Think you’re a health freak: Not at this time of the month.
78. Get along with your parents: yes... but no.
79. Play an instrument: yessums.

Have You. In the last Year :
80. Drink: yes
81. Smoke: yes
82. Done a drug: yes
83. Made Out: yes
84. Go on a date: yes
85. Eaten an entire box of Oreos: o man, try fudgeios, lol.
86. Eaten sushi: eww no, the only type of fish i dont have a desire to try.
87. Been dumped: uh huh. But I've dumped, also =P
88. Made homemade cookies: no, but brownies.
89. Been in love: not officially.
90. Gone skinny dipping: Yeah.
91. Dyed your hair: yup
92. Stolen anything: yes, dogfood when i was little to try and concinved my aprents it was a sign that we should get a dog when it "magically appeared" on our kitchen table

HAVE YOU EVER..
93. Had too much to drink: yes, although it may not have been alot, it was just too much at the the wrong time.
94. Been caught cheating: what.. kind of cheating? no for both that I can think of.
95. Been called a tease: no.
96. Gotten beaten up: yes, by jamie in the 3rd grade.
97. Changed who you were to fit in: who hasn't.
98. Cried at something beautiful: no. I rarely cry.
99. Spent too much money on something you didn’t need: haha hell yes.
100. Cried when someone died: yes.

god that took longer than it hoguht with distractions and shit. im hunfy and im gonna go make myself chocoloate eggos. i ahd a greta time last nghit erica! and tonight will be really good too!

Wed, 22 Jun 2005 14:57:35 GMT

bored as hell, im going to go eat

A.T.W.A

Sat, 04 Jun 2005 02:33:27 GMT

Always Together Whenever Apart... i love you guys sooo much. i had such a kick ass time 2nite... and i know we'll have more of these times to come. With everything to the warm fuzzies to me eating my first pretzel 2nite, we had a blast. O man, it's not even funny how amazing you guys are to me, and how much i treasure our friendship. Summer 2005 is gonna kick sum.... bum! HAHAHA great times.

anyhoo sam, we all love you to death and we're going to visit you as often as we can (yay an excuse for us to go down to toronto). We know you're scared, but we'll be there for every step of the way... and you best believe that our card will literally blow you away. You are an amazing person, and you're so incredibly gorgeous. You are our inspriation to be the best we can be, and i am persoanlly greatful for having you being that shoulder i cried on countless times for the past 8 years that ive had the honor of being your best friend.

Always Together Whenever Apart... i can't wait for the canvas bag!!!

IM A MAGICIAN! lol val

Sun, 01 May 2005 03:40:09 GMT

hahahha for all of u people whos ay i never update anymroe... HERE WE GO! lol. anyhoo I HAD THE BEST TIME TODAY! hahaha i love you val!

ok well the day strated off with my aprents being gay this morning, and then i wen tot oakville place with my mom and sisters and had great fun at H&M, and they have a killer coasta blanca! and iw as soo upset because their LE CHATEAU had the perfect yellow belle dress for semi! stupid semi being one week to early...

and then i went to val's house and my mokmwe nt the wrong way, and i kpet saying how the house would be on the left ahdn side as opposed to the right (because we were coming up the opposite way on trelawyney) and i was right and my momw as wrong. so i get to val's house, and had such a good time getting ready because i was able to finally talk about everyhting i had to say, and got it ALL out of ym system and i feel sooo uch better!

then we met up with these 3 guys from gonzaga at starbucks at chapters, and they were SOOO NICE! scott, darrell, and matt. and then we ended up going to see bauyt shop and it was HILARIOUS! man o man, i reccommend it to anyone who finds comic relief in my "basketball bases" or XZIBITS little lines in PIMP MY RIDE. in the proccess of the night we say ryan working at starbucks, phil working at new york fries, and carmom and andrew from erindale! it was jokes. then we went to starbucks at chapters, only to WALK across the oparking lot to the other one, because val bluntly said "i don't you to rape us" if they drove us. and we talked, and then the evening ended.

it was sooo much fun! and i had such a great time, a good way to end 2 and 1/2 weeks of feeling like absolute shit. and ewww, i have a les belles performance tomorrow at 9:30! boo! o well, ill suck it up, i only have 3 more rehearsals witht ahtc hoir then im finalyl DONE! pheww, i really need to do sum thinking aout next year.

anyhoo, im planning ym bday party, and if u want to come let me no cause i need to ahve the guest lsit finalzied by monday.

good night to all!

JACKIE

Fri, 29 Apr 2005 20:28:15 GMT

holy fuck. I am soooo happy that these past 2 weeks are over. O my god, i can't even describe the relief im feeling right now!

haha is tarted writitng this 10 minutes ago... and i got distracted, and now m going to chill with my bitches erica and pam! hahah! this is gonna be great!!!

Mon, 11 Apr 2005 21:44:13 GMT

JACKIE
J	is for	Joyful
A	is for	Amazing
C	is for	Calm
K	is for	Keen
I	is for	Intense
E	is for	Energetic

What Does Your Name Mean?

Last night....

Sat, 09 Apr 2005 12:02:15 GMT

Last night when we met again, you seemed so differnt but yet the same old. Wow... even after all these years i still find you more intriguing each time. Except this time, i know you felt the same way too. You've mutured, you've grown. You gave me a moment, you let me talk, you have no idea how happy that made me. I can't wait until we meet again today.

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 14:33:40 GMT

MY MATH MARK ROSE 40%! BOO YA YOU MATH GODS! I AM GOING TO GET OVER A 89%... I CAN FEEL IT!

I love this song....

Sat, 02 Apr 2005 22:13:28 GMT

You come out at night
That's when the energy comes
And the dark side's light
And the vampires roam
You strut your rasta wear
And your suicide poem
And a cross from a faith that died
Before Jesus came
You're building a mystery

You live in a church
Where you sleep with voodoo dolls
And you won't give up the search
For the ghosts in the halls
You wear sandals in the snow
And a smile that won't wash away
Can you look out the window
Without your shadow getting in the way?

You're so beautiful
With an edge and charm
but so careful
When I'm in your arms

Cause you're working
Building a mystery
Holding on and holding it in
Yeah you're working
Building a mystery
And choosing so carefully

You woke up screaming aloud
A prayer from your secret god
You feed off our fears
And hold back your tears, oh
Give us a tantrum
And a know it all grin
Just when we need one
When the evening's thin

You're a beautiful
A beautiful fucked up man
You're setting up your
Razor wire shrine

Cause you're working
Building a mystery
Holding on and holding it in
Yeah you're working
Building a mystery
And choosing so carefully

Ooh you're working
Building a mystery
Holding on and holding it in
Yeah you're working
Building a mystery
And choosing so carefully

Yeah you're working
Building a mystery
Holding on and holding it in
Yeah you're working
Building a mystery
And choosing so carefully

You're building a mystery

JOSH!

Fri, 01 Apr 2005 11:31:18 GMT

OMG! I JUST CHECKED MY E-MAIL, AND JOSH E-MAILED ME BACK! AYAYA! IM SO HAPPY *BURTS INTO ASHANTI SONG!*.....ewww ASHANTI? sorry im soo happy ive ssemed to lost my pick in actual music.. ow ell g2g get ready for school AND EVEYRONE COME TO EDEN UNITED CHURECH AT 7 2NITE TO WTACH ME SING! YAY!

JACKIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BIRTHDAY PLANS!

Tue, 29 Mar 2005 23:09:26 GMT

ok...well i nede to know wut i want to do for my 16th birthday in May by this weekened. So this post is gonna be similar to Ambers.... so if u guys ahve any dieas PLEASE comment!

Keep in mind i have a lfit of about 50... and i can NOT definatly ahve a hosue aprty... and i DON'T want to do a going out to a restaurant thing. And iw ant it to be super fun! so if u guys no any good thigns to do.. haha such as renting a pool, or doing sumthiug crazy.. and preferably not a million dollars, that would be GREAT!

COMMENT BACK PLEASE!!!

and if u do.... u might be able to come;)! haha jks.

Fri, 25 Mar 2005 02:44:33 GMT

olk to anyone knows about the last entry and who the lucky bachelor behind door #1.... WE R GOING TO NOW REFER TO HIM AS HOLIDAY! ok? capeesh? capoosh. holiday is what jules named my sax... so ok. there we go. yay

HAPPY EASTER TO ALL!

jacko

O MAN

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 02:01:03 GMT

O MAN I THINIK THE WORLD MIGHT BE GOING CRAZY! i think... that well im feelign sutmhing i haven't felt for over a year... i think i might actually be stratiung to like sum1 realisitic right now.

o man

o man

o man

wut si this feeling? it's either that i lvoe this guy... or that my pistachoip gellatto went dowen a little funny... O MAN FOR $2.09 I BOUGHT MY FIST GELLATO ICE CREAM hahah. so much for the healthy eating.

sdfdfjkn fckjsnfsd

who knew?
!

Sat, 19 Feb 2005 15:25:57 GMT

based on a few things that have happened in the past day or so... i have come to the decision that live journal is becoming rather pointless for the purpose i got it. i got this to write down things for other ppl to comment on, and to express my views (but appropriate ones).

anyhoo, it seems that views that have been expressed lately (everything from stalking to over-opionated ppl who can't back up wut theyr'e saying) has come way down-hill. i hope you all realzie that (not meaning to sound like a snitch) if sum1 printed off what u posted (if it was in-appropriate) and showed it to the principal... you could be suspsended... or even charged depending on how offenseive it was. remeber that assmembly, kids?

so yes, and if i DO have to express myself... usually it's too personal to write on the internet (private or not)... so I go old fashined and write it on paper.

the point of this entry is, is that my LJ won't be updated as often (if u consider me updating often in the first place) and i will basically be coming on to read about other ppls over-exaggeration things and "problems"... and sumtimes to basically get a good laugh.

the last thing is... if ur going to post anything about me, and u want things to improve with us... say it to my face, and not on sum stupid post. if you're REALLY my friend or anyone who saw what happened to me in grade 9, ud know how understanding and forgiving i am.

anyhoo, tonight is going to rock!

untill proabbly at least 2 months from now...

jack

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 23:57:42 GMT

IS MY ICON GOOD?!!!

AWESOME PICTURES!

Sat, 12 Feb 2005 14:51:45 GMT

OK! I AM IN LOVE WITH JULIANA! EVERYONE ADORE MY HOT PICS THAT SHE MADE SUPER FANTSITCALLY AWSOMELEY ORGASMICALLY BEAUTIFULLY NICE! YAY I CAN USE ADJECTIVES! YAY!

oo! on other news! i went to scooters last night! yay for me, that's right... you know im cool!

goals

Wed, 02 Feb 2005 22:56:07 GMT

ok, here are my list of goals, i no that new years resolutions r a bit late but ehre i go. and u no wut, im sick and tried of always thinking what other people think of me, and now im just going tot ry and be msyelf... and to be happy. i no this may sound cliche, but im going to stop holding back, and finally let out what i have to say.

1. tell laura k that i love her so much, and try to have conversations with her like we used to. tell her that, well ill say everything when i talk to her.
2. stop thinking about the god damn past, if it is "what makes me today" then fuck that. im tired of always thinking about it, and its getting me no where.
2. start trying to be more like Laura a, and being all put together, smart and nice, and gorgeous.
3. call val
4. call sarah venner and tell her how im really feeling
5 actually follow through on my commitments
6. pull myself together and strat figuring out what i liek and what i "don't like". i need to start thinking about my future, and if i am just going constatntly be in this "state" that ive been in since... well too long, then im just going to keep disappointing everyone that is important to me... and myself. i need to strat taking advnatges of the opporutnities god has given me, and give bak.
7. i need to stop thinking always about myself.
8. i need to stop crying... ok what grade am i in now? 10, and last time i checked... grade 10 doesn't follow nursery school.
9. go for walks... im not trying to say that "HEY! I WANT TO LOOSE WEIGHT!" (although that will be a bonus), i need to stop sitting on my ass... and start doing things.
10. stop thinking about all the people who don't like me, or who i think does not like me, and start focusing on the people who do like me
11. not be physically talking to people, but to ACTUALLY talk, and actully listen. im tired of this "satrring" phase, and i need tot actually aprticipate.
12. im not gong tobe scared anymore, im going to try things
13. im gong to stop watching as much tv.
14. im going to write more, get out all of my emotions.
15. im going to stop sleeping as an excuse to get away from everything.
16. im going to STOP procrastinating, not only with homeowkr... but with all of my things in life.

i am going to try my hardest to do all of these things as soon as i "ably" can. i need to find out what i am and am not capable of no, because i can no longer rely on the past... and the depressing present.

the reason i am not making this private is becasue for everyone that can read this... if i ever come up to u and start talking nonsense... and well break down... please don't listen, because although u may the best advice giver of all time... i need to start taking my own advice, and the advice i ahve already gotten.

life is real... and it's not going anywhere, so i need to get used to it.

change is constant

enjoy the moment

play the cards god has delt you

woah... i feel better already, i am going to start walking my own talk... because ven if i fall, at least ill be moving farther away from where i am now.

jackie

MT. TREMBLANT!

Sun, 30 Jan 2005 18:17:29 GMT

Well,I amupdating from a random cafe in mt. tremblant. omg, it' sogorgeus, but it is so incredibly hardto typ on this stupid key board, there's hole in the keyboard, nd i only have 4 minutesand 15 secods left, so i don't haveenouh timeto correctspelling miskes. omg, so may hot frenchuys and noflq sparatits insight.

ahhhh, 5 econds left, igot ditracted.

much love

jackie

Fri, 28 Jan 2005 18:32:28 GMT

update from erin's house! ya!!! we're listening to skyelar's music, and he should sooo go to cawthra, cause he composed everything. lol. yay! o well, i want to lsiten to it sum more... so tootles.

jack